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We  talked about the importance of self-awareness and self-control as the critical first steps in developing emotional intelligence.  We  also discussed  some tools and ways to gain that awareness and self-control.  In this post we will discuss the interpersonal components of EQ:  how we relate to others. This is an extroverted function and generally requires more energy and an outward focus.  It comes naturally to those people with extroverted personalities.  But introverted people also do well  with this if they have enough self-awareness to pace themselves, and can develop the extroverted function to be effective in their relationships.

1.  Demonstrating Empathy:   This has to do with understanding not only your emotional make-up but that of others as well.  It is the ability to be comfortable enough with your personal feelings that you can share them with others, as well as  being able to perceive  social nuances.  Are you familiar with the TV show “Bones”? In it  criminal pathologist/ anthropologist  affectionately known as “Bones” by  her co-workers is constantly missing social nuances by her inability to be aware of her feelings, as well as those of others.  She operates on an intellectual level to an extreme.

2.  Displaying Energy:  It takes some energy to seek feedback from others and to assertive communicate your feelings as well.

3.  Social Skills:  It takes social  skills to build  relationships.  Also important is being at ease in social situations, be responsive, displaying self-confidence, and being able to communicate to others your enjoyment with their company.

4.  Tolerance:  Is patience one of your virtues?  It is a critical skill for  effective interactions with others.  Not everyone has your same communication style, beliefs or values.  It is important to show respect even if you disagree.

5.  Persuasiveness:  It’s important to make a good impression. If you do not make a good impression, you cannot be persuasive.  Persuasiveness means being able to solicit ideas from others,  as well as to be able to communicate your ideas in a non-defensive manner.    Problem-solving skills are also important.

6. Leadership:  This involves being appropriately dominant and assertive.  It also involves having a task as well  as process orientation. Leadership  involves collaboration with others and the ability to see different perspectives.